+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild: March 2005

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

wednesday confessional

Sometimes I feel so depressed that it is hard to lift my arms. Like making those muscles move would take all the strength I have in my body. It is not being able to communicate. It is not understanding how one person can be so self absorbed that they don't even realize all the lives that are being tormented by their actions. It is drivers that say things and do things that they would never think of if we were face to face. But some how people become detached and unfeeling and can do things like this and not see how real people are hurting. The media desensitizes the masses to everything but I am left being the type of person that feels it all and can't stop feeling it and I have to choke back the tears so I can do my work and crack a smile at my one year anniversary lunch and act like I am happy because I really should be.

who is the asshole?

I was driving through a parking lot yesterday looking for a space when a woman came charging into the lot at what seemed to be 25 mph. She almost hit me head on as she zipped around a blind corner and then she gave ME the bird.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

i bet michael jackson doesn't mind the backseat

I am sick and tired of this Schiavo thing. But what I find most alarming is the political analysis of it.

"It is remarkable and surprising how the religious right has been marginalized. The public thinks that Republicans overstepped a bit on this issue, while Democrats have flown the coop so that nobody even knows what their position is," American University political scientist Allan Lichtman said. [Read more]

Like this is some sort of sporting event and the analysts are the mindless sportscasters that won’t shut up.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

likes

strawberries, down comforters, asian food, gardening, BBQs, frogs, snowboarding, my special popcorn, warm fall mornings, seafood, sand between my toes, napping with my dog, picnics, good books, opera music, bagel sandwiches, sunrises, coffee ice cream, standing under waterfalls, orchids, backyard ponds, good friends, hugs, horseback riding, peppermint patties (hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps).

dislikes

fibbers, bad parents, red necks, racists, homophobes, right-wing republicans, jack hammers, know-it-alls, distrust, second-hand smoke, snoops, bad oral hygiene, too much tv, patchoulli, middle management, not getting enough sleep, braggers, the SCA, stupid email forwards, alarm clocks, religious solicitors, stinky feet, the birthday song, tattle tales, bad animal owners, grateful dead "space".

Friday, March 25, 2005

friday confessional

Selling timeshares in Mexico is big business. If you have been there you know what I am talking about. Trying to avoid it is like trying to avoid drugs at a Grateful Dead concert.

On a two week trip to Mazatlan a friend and I went to a few presentations in exchange for free food, booze and parasailing! Only problem, after several Pina Coladas the whole timeshare thing started to sound like a great idea, and I bought one.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

so sick i can't believe it

Thu Mar 24, 9:02 AM ET

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A diner at a Wendy's fast food restaurant in San Jose, California, found a human finger in a bowl of chili prepared by the chain, local officials said on Wednesday.

"This individual apparently did take a spoonful, did have a finger in their mouth and then, you know, spit it out and recognized it," said Ben Gale, director of the department of environmental health for Santa Clara County. "Then they had some kind of emotional reaction and vomited."

Local officials launched an investigation after the incident on Tuesday night and the medical examiner determined on Wednesday that the object was a human finger.

Officials are trying to determine if the finger came in the raw materials Wendy's used to prepare the chili, Gale said.

Wendy's International Inc. corporate office did not immediately return a call for comment. Wendy's is the third-largest hamburger chain.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

i am the king of pop



I found this fun hot chocolate jar on one of my many trips to the Goodwill. Tom and I just love this jar. It has a rubber seal and one of those levers that keeps it shut tight (what the fuck are those called?).

Tom was kind enough to point out that the strange person on the front looks like Michael Jackson. And taking a closer look I can see the resemblance: pasty white skin, creepy nose and strange outfit, not to mention the attentive interest in a small child. But now it is all I can think about every time I look at it. I have a Michael Jackson hot chocolate jar!

My top five favorite Michael Jackson songs of all time

1. Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough
2. P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing)
3. Wanna Be Starting Something
4. Man in the Mirror
5. Rock My World


I took the Which Michael Are You quiz and I am proud to say I am the:



Just for the record I love Michael Jackson.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

time machine

This website is totally tubular. Take a trip back in time and see what your favorite websites used to look like.

ladies man



This is Xavier and his mom Katrina. Katrina and I have been friends since junior high, so I have known Xavier his entire life. It is his birthday this weekend and he has requested my carrot cake. Isn't that heart warming?

In this picture he is picking flowers and giving them to all the ladies.

I had a dream...

Last night I had a dream and in that dream I saw the stupidest thing ever. A street side shop owner was selling a large stereo, the size of a huge screen t.v. It was heavy and burdensome and on a top shelf. This store and the shelf faced a street that was filled with pedestrians. A guy on his skateboard jumped up and pushed the stereo in an attempt to make it rock back and forth and fall off the shelf because someone wanted to buy it and they had no idea how to get it down. It finally toppled over and the crowd tried to catch it but it rolled back towards another unsuspecting group that tried to catch it but it had so much momentum it slammed on the ground almost crushing them.

I didn't know I was dreaming and I couldn't wait to blog about it. I actually dreamed that I was going to blog. Then I woke up and realized it was a dream and that it wasn't even a very interesting dream but decided to blog about it anyway.

Friday, March 18, 2005

friday confessional

When I was 17 I had a fake ID.

I used to live in a small town (population 16,000) where bar hopping at 17 years old meant you ran into old substitute teachers from high school. They would scratch their heads while trying to do the math that would legitimize YOU being at the bar...after seeing you in class earlier that same year. Thank goodness for the mind numbing properties of alcohol!

I never really got into any trouble with it, other than a run in with a crazy police officer. He saw me driving with my boyfriend in a neighboring town on his day off. He wrote down the boyfriend's license plate number, looked up the boyfriend's address at the DMV and began stalking me with his briefcase.

I tried to avoid him for as long as possible but quickly realized that he had nothing better to do. So I gave in and agreed to talk to him. He asked me if I remembered showing a fake ID to an officer leaving a party nearly a year prior. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I felt cornered and wanted to lie but for some reason I told the truth. And I am forever thankful I did because of the contents of his briefcase. He pulled out evidence that he had spent the bulk of the last year and hundreds of tax dollars trying to crack this case.

He asked me where the fake ID was and I lied to him. I was only 19 and couldn't bear going back to under-aged status, so I said it was in a wallet that was stolen. He said that since I had been honest with him he was going to go easy on me. He told me about the 7 tickets he could give me, including some that seemed very serious...or I could be a narc and tell him who all of the drug dealers were and get off with nothing. I acted interested in the "deal" and told him I needed sometime to think about it.

I never got back with him.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

like totally, oh my god

you can't deny being a child of the 80's if..

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "SIKE".

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of BelAir"... and can do the "Carlton".

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.

7. You know that "WHOA " comes from Joey on Blossom.

8. Two words: Parachute Pants.

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock".

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars...and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "DuckTales " (Woo-oooh!)

12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen...and still know the turtles names.

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

17. You played the game "MASH " (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House).

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten. (She's truly outrageous.)

21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.

22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"..

23. You wanted to be a Goonie.

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us...head-to-toe)

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail kids in the schoolyard.

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.

30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.

32. You thought She-Ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and like #24, probably in neon colors, too.)

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were in-line skates.

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.

39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.

41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.

42. You remember Popples.

43. "Don't worry, be happy".

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do...getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family.)

46. You remember boom boxes. . and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.

48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"

49. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales."

50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".

53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.

54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

55. You just sang those words to yourself.

56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

57. Homemade Levi shorts...the shorter the better.

58. You remember when mullets were cool!

59. You had a mullet!

60. You still sing "We are the World".

61. You tight rolled your jeans.

62. You owned a banana clip.

63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"

64. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"

65. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!!!

Thank you Jeanna. We were like so in the 80's together. Speaking of 80's hair, do you remember Cheri Chris and Amber Mitchell?

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

get drunk and ride your (moter) cycle



and ya'll thought I was a bad speller...

aloha tommy



This lucky little bastard is moving to Hawaii.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

bcti finally closes

Read more about it here.

"Now, after years of observation and enough courage to admit what I have observed, I try to plant peace if I do not want discord; to plant loyalty and honesty if I want to avoid betrayal and lies."

Maya Angelou

Monday, March 14, 2005

metrosexual




You might be "metrosexual" if:

1. You just can't walk past a Banana Republic store without making a purchase.

2. You own 20 pairs of shoes, half a dozen pairs of sunglasses, just as many watches and you carry a man-purse.

3. You see a stylist instead of a barber, because barbers don't do highlights.

4. You can make her lamb shanks and risotto for dinner and Eggs Benedict for breakfast... all from scratch.

5. You only wear Calvin Klein boxer-briefs.

6. You shave more than just your face. You also exfoliate and moisturize.

7. You would never, ever own a pickup truck.

8. You can't imagine a day without hair styling products.

9. You'd rather drink wine than beer... but you'll find out what estate and vintage first.

10. Despite being flattered (even proud) that gay guys hit on you, you still find the thought of actually getting intimate with another man truly repulsive.

"Some people think he's gay, but he's actually metrosexual."

definition from urban dictionary

Friday, March 11, 2005

friday confessional

Why I am not a good violin player after 20 years of violin playing:

In middle school my orchestra teacher required us to practice for 30 minutes a night. Each week we had to turn in practice cards with our parents signature stating that we had indeed practiced the required amount of time. Instead of practicing my violin I started practicing my mother's signature.

In high school I thought the orchestra students were REALLY boring, so I didn't sign up. It was around this time that I turned my violin sideways and started plucking the notes with my fingers, wishing I had learned to play the guitar or even the cello, but not the violin. I think I eventually sold it and bought beer for me and my friends.

When my Grandfather died I inherited his violin. I have been trying to teach myself how to play again, wishing that I wasn't so distracted with Nintendo, beer and being cool when I was younger.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

he gave me a blogplex

I was telling Tom about one of my entries the other day and he asked me if I am always making fun of other people on my blog. Offended I said "of course not, I make fun of myself too!"

I have always been a ranting, grumpy writer. I write the best hung over and pissed off. I am sarcastic. I am a bitch. And I write to vent.

Now if I can just figure out how to get him to read my blog...

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

i had an internet boyfriend

It is true. I met someone online and dated him for 9 months. I have no crazy stories to tell you about the relationship, other than the fact that he couldn’t keep his nose out of a fucking book the ENTIRE time we were in New York City. He did have some weird friends though. One of these characters wanted to know if I listened to Tool, immediately after meeting me. When I told him I didn’t he seemed really let down.

I don’t think the music I listen to defines me. Something that might speak louder about who I am is the fact that I listen to music all of the time, I like it loud and I love to sing along even if I don’t know the words.

I fall deeply in love with music.

I rarely like an artist or an entire genre which makes it hard to buy albums. One of the most special gifts I can give someone is a mix of music that I love; like a snap shot of my soul right at that very moment. Here is a list of songs I am utterly addicted to right now, a mix for you internet!

Sugarcubes – Hit
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Maps
Lamb - Gorecki
Neutral Milk Hotel – Three Peaches
The Postal Service – Such Great Heights
Cocteau Twins – Kissed Out Red Float Boat
Belle and Sebastian – Boy with the Arab Strap
Cat Power – Speak for Me
Sleater-Kinney – One Song for You
Placebo – Bigmouth Strikes Again

me and william hung



Something about being at the airport makes me look like a wet dog. I can leave the house feeling like a sexy bitch and ten minutes inside that building I am done for.

Monday, March 07, 2005

friday confessional on monday

At this rate I will be back to my normal confession schedule by the end of the month! I have a few confessions today.

1. I am a bitch when I am stressed out and I have been stressed out for a month.

2. I took some measurements with my new tape measure so I could purchase a closet dowel and the holders to hang it. I made a really stupid mistake on the measurements, like 68 inches minus (.75*2+.25*2) equals 65. So I cut and purchased a dowel that was a whole inch short! When I went back and got a new dowel, 66 inches long, I realized it was wider than the old one, so the dowel holders I purchased on the last trip were too small. After going back to Home Depot a third time for new dowel holders I think I might be able to hang my clothes up in my closet tonight!

3. I feel guilty for neglecting my blog. I finally found the time to order internet service at home, so starting next week I will no longer be forced to squeeze in updates on the clock.

Friday, March 04, 2005

home depot slut

I went yesterday and today. I never knew buying a trash can would be this fun.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

how to be goth

The first time I ever moved away from home was in the year 2000 after being offered a job at an internet company in New Orleans. Having never left my home town I did what any crazy girl would do. In less than two weeks I moved more than two thousand miles away from home with ALL of my belongings.

I will skip the juicy details about drinking until sunrise, stripper chicks, my first lap dance, the hangovers and all of the drugs. Because once that wore off I realized I was completely submerged in an uber pathetic social circle. Ugh!

New Orleans is TEEMING with GOTHS.

And it became increasingly frustrating trying to coordinate normal socializing activities with these people. Because goths don't go to pool parties or bbqs. They don't want to go camping or do anything fun. Having fun might mean that they are happy and being happy isn't very goth.

What is totally predictable and uninteresting about the lives of goths in New Orleans is this: If they ever make it to your pool party, the party is almost over and they don't have time to swim because they need to go to the Pirates Alley Cafe, where they can brag and lie and tell stories only other goths will believe.

Who would have lasted as long as I did?

There are so many things I really do miss about living there. I miss the storms, The Funky Butt jazz club, 3 martini lunches at the brothel, southern hospitality, the Foundation Room, dancing at the Shim Sham, deliveries from the Verti Mart, breakfasts at Croissant Dor, the street performers, cafe du monde, live oaks and the street car.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

friday confessional on tuesday

Yes, I am that far behind with my daily activities. I didn't want to cheat anyone out of the dirty little details of my past though, so here we go.

My first real boyfriend EVER was Billy Day. I think he was in the 7th grade and I was in 6th. Which was like a totally major age difference. Billy and I kissed a lot. French kissing. We held hands, walked to school together and went to Ashland Grizzlies football games.

This was a long relationship for the 6th grade, at least 3 weeks. And then he cheated on me with Tara at church one night when I wasn't there. [Mom, if you are reading this you are free to skip to the next paragraph.] We used to have our parents drop us off at church on Wednesday nights and then we snuck off to do bad things like play truth or dare on the church roof. I know this is so horrible. I repent! I repent!

I was really heartbroken that he kissed Tara even though it was during the game truth or dare. I was so jealous I couldn't contain myself. Tara was really pretty and had boobs. In the 6th grade. So I broke up with him.

He kept calling and begging me to forgive him. I agreed to talk to him and told him I would walk with him to school the next day. I lived at the top of Tara Avenue (weird coincidence) and on my way out the door I looked down the street. I could see him standing there waiting for me. I turned up the street and walked the other way to school. And I never talked to him again.