+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


I find it increasingly alarming how much parents cripple their children with emotional and psychological problems. And they were destroyed by their parents and their parents by their parent's parents and it makes me scared to have kids because even though I am a improved model of my parents, not contracting all of their instabilities, I have my own and I don't want to burden anyone with that.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

friday confessional

I have actually given this number out at the bar: 212.479.7990.

Just call it.

Monday, January 08, 2007

turns out, we are fucked

So I watched An Inconvenient Truth this weekend, something I put off for a while because I hate getting even MORE depressed about things I feel I have no control over. I am not your average complacent American that would rather ignore our impending fate while pressing on, full throttle. I have been what I consider a diligent environmentalist my entire life. I worried as a young child about the slow leak in our family bath tub, and can't remember a time when I didn't recycle. I have friends call me to tell me about how they recycled knowing that I, of all the people they know, would be proud. I actually only have my trash can picked up once a month and it is only a 1/4 of the way full because I recycle and compost and god damn it what else can I fucking do!

I watched the news tonight and it sent me over the edge. I know I should have an emergency preparedness kit, but I didn't realize I might need it sooner rather than later. Can you believe we are sending more troops to Iraq? NBC actually retracted a story from earlier this week and are now admitting that warming weather, like 72 degrees in New York in January, might have something to do with global warming. And then in the same episode they told me that the flu is late this season, Manhattan had some unexplained natural gas smell, and 63 birds died. How can one person process all this and come out the other side with any hope? I realize this is NBC news, which in my mind means we are really fucked. Because they are the last people to admit we are going to die.

Friday, December 15, 2006

friday confessional

I always forget to zip up my fly after I go to the bathroom, at least every other time. And once I was caught on stage singing karaoke when someone from the audience motioned to me that my fly was down. How's that for awesome?

Friday, December 01, 2006

and then she reared her ugly head

I don’t really handle coincidences well. Or dreams. Or anything that might mean anything. Some days I think I am psychic, other days I think the cosmos are aligning themselves, like a secret decoder ring getting ready to reveal the final clue.

And then what? Will it all make sense? Or will we just implode?

Itemizing the coincidences (that could mean nothing more than: I am way too fucking stoned) make each instance feel so minimized. Like a dream, wherein telling, loses every ounce of glory it once had.

Just trust me. Something crazy is going to happen, much crazier than a dead blog coming back to life.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

plagued by profection

I am alive. And I got so used to not blogging that I almost forgot I had a blog.

What have I been up to? Working less and living more. That was the plan and I was scared it wouldn't work, but it has been so far. The new career is great, summer is almost here and if I could just nail down a date to take myself on a vacation there won't be a single thing on my to-do list that isn't at least started.

But that isn't why I am blogging today. I am blogging today about typos. The typo I just realized I made in the title of this post, but it worked so I left it be.

I was raised by one of those parents that made you do all of the dishes over again if one wasn't clean, do-it-right-the-first-time-damn-it. Which I am thankful for, because I would hate to be incompetent. But now I suffer from being submerged in a society where the majority doesn't give a shit.

I am not claiming to be some grammar queen, or spelling bee champion. But I care enough to read something before I publish it, and heck I even use spell check from time to time.

I just paid for an advertisement that was delivered to over 3,000 people and in the process of "reformatting" an already perfect ad, the advertising company dropped the "r" off of the word "your" and I am mortified.

And because the last checks and business cards I ordered had typos too, I feel like there is a lesson to learn here, one that has nothing to do with proof reading, or always using more commas than one sentence can possibly hold.

In the same two month period I bought a coffee maker that doesn't work and rented a U-Haul truck for which they charged me THREE times.

Can someone please interpret this waking dream?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

when i am not blogging...

Friday, March 24, 2006

just when i thought i had enough

Rather than throw out your AOL CDs I encourage you to forward them to Donald too. Just because it will make me laugh to find out that even one person reading this actually did it. What else are you going to do with them? Consider it recycling.

Cross out your address and write:

Forward to:

Donald Malone
PO Box 37380
Albuquerque, NM 87176

Thursday, March 23, 2006

t-mobile makes me a crazy lady - pt. 1

I hate T-Mobile and that is all there is to it. I have ten months left on my contract and time is moving like molasses. I decided the best way to spend this time is to try and make them half as crazy as they have made me. We have to talk about my $270.00 phone bill for last month later, because I am really stuck on this text messaging thing.

I am sure every other cell phone company charges for incoming messages but I feel strangely compelled to fight paying it, kicking and screaming, even if it is only five fucking cents per message. I sent them a letter with my last payment explaining why my check was 25 cents short the total amount owed. I explained to them how crazy it is to charge someone for something they can not refuse. Don't mind me, I am just dropping a bag of dog shit on your door step and will bill you for it later! I don't want to send text messages or receive them. In response to that letter my new friend Donald sent me this:

Dear Crazy Lady:

Thank you for contacting T-Mobile. We have received a request to review the account per the request you ask that the $.25 + tax charge be removed from your account. Per the request you advise that you have no way to block text messages from being sent to your handset, you do not want this feature for any additional cost to you and you have made a payment for $89.97.

We would like to apologize for any inconveniences that you have encountered.

We see that you have just activated with T-Mobile on 01/10/06 and we would like to thank you for choosing T-Mobile!

We have reviewed your account and found that the current balance is $272.08, the last payment received was for $89.97 received on 02/28/06 and the account is current.

Regarding the disputed text messaging charges; review of the first February cycle shows that there are 5 incoming texts and one outgoing text. Due to T-Mobile billing by the SIM, which is completely unique and cannot be duplicated, the texts were sent/received by your SIM card. The SIM registers to your account and is billed appropriately.

T- Mobile does not offer a way to block incoming texts however you may speak with people that sent them and request they do not send further texts.

Due to the validity of the charges we will not remove the charges.

Thank you for being a T-Mobile customer.

If you have any further questions please feel free to contact us at PO Box 37380, Albuquerque, NM 87176 or via fax # 813-353-6545. Our customer care department is also available 24 hours a day at 800-937-8997.


Donald Malone

My response to Donald:


Thank you for your letter. While reading it I wasted about 5 minutes of my time. I charge $35/hr. which means you owe me $2.92. I also have a new program where I forward all of my incoming AOL CDs to you. Is this the best address to use? I will be charging $5.00/per CD, plus shipping and handling.

I will be visiting family in Albuquerque this July. I would love to get together to further develop this business relationship. Call me. You have my number.

Your bill for March:

$2.92 for wasting my time
$5.00 for your first AOL CD (enclosed)
$.39 Postage

Total Amount due: $8.31

Your prompt payment is appreciated!


Crazy Lady

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

star wars cell phone ringtone guy

You know the type, the bossy know-it-all in your IT department. They come in late, they don't have to keep their desk clean, they tell you what you can and can't have installed on your machine yet they don't have to abide by any of the same company policies, like the dress code. And the only thing that is worse then interacting with them is working with them. I am really tolerant. I take a lot of abuse. And I have to hear daily what a surprise it is to see a girl in IT. I am about as tired of hearing that as I am "you look like Julia Stiles".

I am not really a geek. It is just a job. I am not a gamer. I don't collect action figures. I am not into science fiction. I bathe. I have clothing purchased within the last ten years. I don't procrastinate and I don't talk down to people when they don't know as much as I do. But today I seriously questioned my ability to continue working in this field, and I used every ounce of self control I have to keep myself from flying across the room and gouging someone's eyes out.

I showed up to a job and the client's personal computer technician was there. I was polite and when faced with his obvious attempts to prove his self worth I did very little to compete. I even got up from the drivers seat when asked so he could perform something he felt was above me. I am used to this, I have worked in IT for ten years and the geeks I have worked with are not any more adept with interpersonal relations. What I did mind was him turning to me with his squeaky little voice and saying, "I assume you know what I am doing?" It was at that precise moment I decided I hated him. He oozed with condescension. And if I were into playing his game I would have told him I prefer to perform the task from the command line...

I just did my best to ignore his attmepts at making conversation. But with every step I took he engaged me in talk, like agruing with me about the type of email server MY company uses, how OUR network is setup and then he told me HE created a program that is integral to the type of business MY clients are in. He made it. Like Al Gore made the Internet.

Then his phone rang and he actually downloaded a star wars theme song ringtone. Has he no shame?