confessions of a red-headed stepchild: January 2005

linktastic

In case you don't have anything better to do:

1. create virtual snowflakes
2. peruse old album covers
3. snoop through court documents
4. check out a photoblog
5. and play useless games!

He licked me!

Jack is not a licker, except when he has missed you so much he can't contain himself. Only then will a little lick slip out. Like when I got home yesterday from my trip.

Penny on the other hand will lick a hole in your arm if you let her.

1943-1961 revisited

I just spent the last 4 hours sorting through a scrapbook that belonged to my grandma. She found the most amazingly strange things sentimental. It was busting at the seams with greeting cards, letters, news article and items of interest collected between the years 1943 and 1961.

In an effort to not be a collector of all things, I decided to go through the book. I took out a few things that were special to me and placed the book in the recyling bin. It was sad, something I couldn't have done last year while I was here for her funeral, but packing around old napkins from restaurants once ate at and ALL the tags from EVERY Christmas gift EVER received is not something I am passionate about.

One letter I found interesting was written to my grandpa from Cpl Donald B. Moore of the 89th Bomb Disposal Squad, stationed in Nurnberg, Germany. My grandpa was a nuclear physicist and led a very secretive career, couple that with a grandaughter who keeps no secrets and here you have a confidential letter posted on the internet for all to see:

25 November 1945

Dear Dr. Pelsor:

If the attached box ever reaches you without first being confiscated I shall be very much surprised. I hope you will be interested in the contents. I am submitting this to you for your comparison. I figured you would enjoy tearing one of these things apart.

Respectfully,
Donald Moore

And we will never know what was in the attached box.

friday confessional

When I was 12 years old I tried to convince my little sister to run away. I feel really horrible about it now.

red or green sauce?

I am flying to New Mexico tomorrow, the only state in the US that wants to know what color sauce you would like on every food item you order.

I used to visit my grandparents there every summer. I remember sitting in the back seat with my grandma on long drives through the desert. She and I would play with paperdolls and chew mint gum while I recited the proper spelling of A-L-B-U-Q-U-E-R-Q-U-E. The English teacher in her couldn't stand me addressing envelopes: ALB, NM 87107, even if I was only 9 years old.

gypsies, tramps and car thieves

After my car was stolen in New Orleans I went to see a psychic. Not just any psychic, but the most flamboyant looking psychic I could find in Jackson Square. I asked her one question, "Where is the car now?" and after a long silence she told me it wasn't far from where we were. She said she sensed a big struggle and that more than one person was involved. Her response reminded me of reading my horoscope, so vague you couldn't tell her she was wrong but not supplying ANY useful information.

I don't really believe in psychics but this website is totally freaking me out.

parking quagmire

The neighbors across the street refuse to park in their driveway. Four people live there, each equipped with their own car. And for some reason they would rather park on the street.

Very few houses on our street have driveways and many of these houses have been turned into duplexes, meaning more cars forced to park curbside.

When you have a parking situation like this there is no room for someone who doesn't know how to park. The other day some asshole with a Vespa parked so that only one car could park where three would normally fit, with his scooter!

Then we have the neighbors next door, the ones I am hiding from. They have five vehicles and will call the police if you park in front of their house.

I think I am going to ask the neighbors across the street if I can use their driveway.

I peed in the cup and filled it halfway

I just went to a "pre-employment" drug analysis for a volunteer position. Yes a VOLUTEER POSITION!

I drank so much water before I got there I almost peed my pants while sitting in the waiting room. Why does the doctors office ask you to arrive at 12:00 and not see you until 12:15?

Once I was finally called back with the nurse I had to follow rigorous steps to ensure I wasn't able to alter the test results with someone else's urine, dirty hands, clean hands with soap residue, or by drinking too much water (I may have to go and retest if my urine was too dilute)! The nurse pierced through me with her accusing little eyes and told me that the results would be called into my supervisor in 24-48 hours. "Wait!" I said with great urgency, "this is for a volunteer position".

I couldn't stand the thought of her assuming my employment hinged on this test she knew I wasn't going to pass.

I think I just bought a house

Tom and I spent the weekend cooking and eating. Have I mentioned how much I love to eat? Once I have a kid, or turn 30, I am going to explode. My metabolism thus far has allowed me to consume anything I want, often eating until I can't possibly eat any longer.

So on Saturday I made Mulligatawny Soup. Which you might remember from the Soup Nazi episode of Seinfeld. It is an Indian coconut curry soup served with rice and was to die for.

Then yesterday Tom constructed the best little handmade raviolis filled with Italian sausage and mozzarella.

Oh yeah, I made an offer on a house, my offer was accepted and I am so scared I could crap my pants.

5 things that bug me at work

1. the term "techno savvy", and the people who use it
2. eavesdropping co-workers in neighboring cubes
3. smacking and slirping sounds over the phone
4. people who can't find their desktop: "I don't see anything called desktop."
5. inexperienced mousers: "what is a right click?"

my bathroom mirror

I swear this isn't a frown. When I am not smiling this is what my mouth does, it sags. People tell me all the time "smile!" and it makes me what to gouge their eyes out. I will smile when I have good reason buddy.

I bet my laundry is dirtier than yours

My family is getting me down.

The unit has been in a constant state of transition and turmoil my entire life. I was trained to live for tomorrow based on the assumption that once we got passed the current situation life would be better.

But tomorrow never comes.

I feel cheated because the relationships I have with my family are based on helping them out of the bad decsions they have made. The conversations are dominated by breakups, drug addiction, child custody battles, marriages with instantly pending divorces, car accidents, bad friends, this person won't talk to that person, and now my oldest sister is dating my mom's husband's son.

I am not like them though. I spent weekends with my dad. I have broken all kinds of family records by not getting married, I still don't have kids, I have a career and I NEVER call my family for help because I don't make stupid decisions, like moving in with someone after dating them for two weeks, or selling meth to an undercover police officer within 1000 feet of an elementary school.

This is why I am anxious when my phone rings.

friday confessional

When I was in the sixth grade, and very interested in being "popular", I took 2 dollars from my mom's purse almost everyday. I used the money to buy Jolly Ranchers at the Minute Market and I would give them to people I thought were cool, hoping they would think I was cool.

It didn't work.

how to almost burn the house down

In middle school I was the primary care provider for my little sister while my mom worked and went to school. I spent a lot of time at home doing really stupid things, one of which involved building my own stereo for my bedroom when my mom wouldn't buy me one. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

What you will need:

1 walkman (remove batteries)
1 set of headphones
1 electrical cord from an old lamp or kitchen appliance
1 car stereo speaker

Plug headphones into walkman.
Cut the ear pieces off and throw away.
Attach stripped headphone wires to the car stereo speaker (where the speaker wire would attach).
Attach stripped electrical cord wires to the battery terminals inside of the walkman.
Insert your favorite tape, preferable Guns 'N Roses, Appetite for Destruction.
Plug into a wall jack.
Stand back!

tanorexia

Pronunciation: ta-n-or-rek-sE-a
Function: noun
: a serious disorder in tanning behavior primarily in women that is characterized especially by a pathological fear of pale skin leading to faulty tanning patterns. They see themselves as too white and continue to tan while the rest of the world is thinking "you are WAY too tan freak!"

I call it butt rock

Europe, The Final Countdown was my first cassette tape ever. I listened to that song over and over and over again. But now looking at the words I don't even recognize it. I wonder what lyrics I was singing, because they definately weren't these ones.

she wanted to be a movie star

and to think that we used to have a dozen pet rats that we hid from our parents in shoe boxes, and we bred them hoping they would take over the world.

oral

the reason people on the west coast are losing their teeth: meth

the reason people on the south coast are losing their teeth: sweet tea

"If you want to make Deep Southern-style "sweet tea", add an eye-popping amount of sugar syrup to your tea pitcher, until it's so sweet that your teeth shudder." gumbopages.com

hard pressed

cars you are least likely to see wearing a bush/cheney sticker.

1. Volkswagen
2. Volvo
3. Subaru
4. Yugo
5. Renault

group hug

I am reading Stoned, Naked and Looking in my Neighbor's Window, the best confessions from GroupHug.us. The site was created so people could get things off their chest, annonymously. You get to read about people's greatest fears, lies and secrets they haven't told anyone.

So I am going to start confessing all of my secrets here at geeekgirl. I feel inspired to confess. I love telling secrets, because I don't like to have them. My first confession being: I pee in the shower every day. I know this is not much of a confession, don't we all do it? But someone actually confessed this here.

INTERNET: I PEE IN THE SHOWER, and I have no guilt!

paranoid psychosis

Everytime my phone rings and I see that it is my mom calling I get scared. I think that something must be wrong. Not that she never calls, or that when she calls she only has bad news to report. It is just a weird feeling I get. Like there is trouble, or someone is hurt.

So in the last 15 minutes my phone rang twice. Once my little sister, who never calls. And now my mom. I didn't answer either call because in 15 minutes I am off work and figured my personal calls should wait. But I have sweaty palms and feel anxious. I don't know why in the world they would both call me. within fifteen mintues of each other. When I am off work in less than 15 minutes!

beware

This is a vicious attack dog.

Do not, under any circumstances, try to move this dog while he is sleeping. And don't think that because you feed him and let him sleep under your covers, leeching heat from your body all night, that you are a special exception.

mix it yo!

Check out skipperchong's newest mix of totally awesome cover songs.

incognito

I have been hiding from my neighbor for the last four months. Everytime I see him I duck and dodge. I pull hats over my eyes and scarves around my face. I cross the street and walk around in ridiculous ways, just to avoid the inevitable.

He used to be a student of mine. I am afraid that if he knows where I live he will want to come over all of the time. And he talks really slow and I have a hard time saying 'goodbye' and 'no'.

What are you hiding from?

socks!

Probably Means Shut up

How to make me want to strangle you, while I am having PMS:

Talk incessantly
Tell stupid jokes
Argue with me
Make any noise at all
Drive slower than I want to drive, in front of me
Give me unsolicited advice
Try to get me to do "the wave" or any other humiliating group activity in public

tightwad

When I read the headline yesterday about Bush donating 10k of his OWN money to the tsunami relief effort I spit water on my monitor I was laughing so hard. Then I got to thinking, and calculating. Based on net worth and ratios, I donated 15 times more than he did. What a stingy bastard.

Monday, January 31, 2005

linktastic

He licked me!

Saturday, January 29, 2005

1943-1961 revisited

Friday, January 28, 2005

friday confessional

Thursday, January 27, 2005

red or green sauce?

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

gypsies, tramps and car thieves

parking quagmire

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

I peed in the cup and filled it halfway

Monday, January 24, 2005

I think I just bought a house

5 things that bug me at work

Saturday, January 22, 2005

my bathroom mirror

Friday, January 21, 2005

I bet my laundry is dirtier than yours

friday confessional

Thursday, January 20, 2005

how to almost burn the house down

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

tanorexia

Monday, January 17, 2005

I call it butt rock

she wanted to be a movie star

Sunday, January 16, 2005

oral

Saturday, January 15, 2005

hard pressed

group hug

Thursday, January 13, 2005

paranoid psychosis

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

beware

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

mix it yo!

Monday, January 10, 2005

incognito

Saturday, January 08, 2005

socks!

Friday, January 07, 2005

Probably Means Shut up

Thursday, January 06, 2005

tightwad

Sunday, January 02, 2005

we sat pretty

and then we warmed our backsides

Confessional

Imaginary Friends