+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild: May 2005

Friday, May 27, 2005

friday confessional

I have never seen an episode of American Idol. And I want to poke the eyes out of people who talk about it like it is something of great importance.

"who do you think will win tonight, carrie or bo?"
"the world doesn't need another blonde solo artist."
"bo is an entertainer, not just a singer."

Gag me.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

moving on


Xavier was one of 6 kids graduating from pre-school Tuesday night. As each child was called they walked shly down the isle to the front of the auditorium. But when Xavier was called he skipped down the isle, snapping his fingers and wearing this smile.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

jibber jabber

You are walking down the hallway at work, making meaningless conversation with the people you pass, the hellos and the how are yous. Sometimes you daydream about telling someone what is really on your mind: "How am I? Hungover! Oh my god you should have seen me last night. Do you know what a kegstand is?"

Some days I hate the how are yous and there is no more uncomfortable moment than when the third one comes out and hangs in the wind with no where to go.

them: Hello. How are you doing?
you: Fine. How are you?
them: Good. How are you?

My first inclination is to ignore the third. Pretend that it didn't happen at all....but then again I hide from people I don't want to talk to.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

i rode my bike!



and after mile ten Jack was sick of running, he wanted a lift. This is prior to sticking him in my bag.

and then...

there were happy feet.

Friday, May 20, 2005

friday confessional

I was on anti-depressants for the last five years. When I quit taking them I had horrible physical and mental withdrawals. I have been off of them for almost seven months now and nearly everyday is a challenge for me. Not because I think I am a depressed person, but because the medication dulled my senses and made me feel like nothing mattered, everything was cool. Once it wore off I was like one big open nerve ending with no coping skills.

Now I am learning how to live again.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

in a van down by the river

The top ten most insane places I have ever lived, in chronological order:

1. Some of my first weekends with dad were spent sleeping on the floor at the city electric department where he worked. I think he lived there.

2. When I was in the second grade I moved in with my dad full time. He landed a job as an electrician at a dude ranch. It was so much fun. Dude. I learned how to fish, ride horses and a ton of other crazy cowgirl stuff. It was at the R-Ranch that I first heard the song Material Girl. I used to jump up and down on a trampoline in the gym while blasting that song on the radio. I also remember my dad driving a red, white and blue Gremlin AMC. I hated that car.

3. When I was in the third grade my dad had another city job working for the water department. For several months while we were in between housing we lived in what looked like an ice cream truck, at the water treatment plant.

4. During the 6th grade my Dad moved onto 40 acres where we lived in a half built house with no electricity and no running water. This was so not cool because all I wanted to do was talk on the phone with my friends, plug in a curling iron and watch MTV.

5. I lived with my mom on and off several times in high school, but I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that she lived in a completely solar house, with no phone, up a road that required a 4 wheel drive vehicle, 15 miles from town.

6. Sometime during high school I lived in an old stage coach stop with some friends. It was rumored to have been a brothel and it was haunted! Some high lights of this living arrangement include psycho roommates, more parties than one reasonable household should host, and a whole lot of mother fucking chaos like: a big tree that fell down and smashed someone's car, cars sliding off of the road into the ditch, a lot of snow, totally unhinged parties with butt rockers, motorcycles, crank, kegs, people throwing up off the deck and in the house, a flour fight in the kitchen, holes punched in the walls, the throwing of chairs and 40 bottles off of the deck, bon fires, a lot of injuries, and this is the longest sentence ever.

7. After a short stint in Hawaii I moved back home and rented out a hotel room by the week rather than live with my parents. It was super ghetto with cinderblock walls and cockroaches. There was a pool, although I can't remember if I ever went swimming in it. Weird.

8. I lived in the back of a toyota truck once. But it seemed really luxurious, because I was in love, I had a hot boyfriend and who needs a house anyway!

9. And what list would be complete without a trailer? I rented a room from a guy who had two very large, very stinky dogs. The trailer was filthy and consumed by flies. This guy took the trash out to a shed where it had been collecting for months, instead of getting trash service. There was a decommissioned billboard on the property that looked out over the freeway. We had a couch up there, music and christmas lights. It was the perfect place to drink beer and harass freeway drivers.

10. Then there were the times I didn't live anywhere at all.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

and now...

Tell me how these shoes make you feel.

Monday, May 16, 2005

sign of the apocalypse



It gives me a strange feeling inside when wild animals don't act wild. These geese near my building don't get out of the street when cars approach them. And they know that you won't run them over.

They KNOW it.

What else do they know?

Saturday, May 14, 2005

give us some god damn peace

Friday, May 13, 2005

friday confessional

When I was a teenager I worked at a hotel as a maid with all of my girlfriends. And let me tell you, no one should be allowed to have that much fun.

I may or may not have been involved in one or more of the following debaucheries:


  • Watching TV instead of cleaning rooms
  • Laying poolside before clocking out
  • Letting our skater friends come and swim in the pool which always led to jumping off of the roof to get more "air"
  • Showing up to work, clocking in, then leaving to get breakfast
  • Eating food and drinking booze from occupied rooms
  • Snorting lines of coke
  • Clocking friends in on their days off
  • Using curtain rods to "jimmy" sodas from the soda machine
  • Spraying Windex in the soda machine, triggering it to regurgitate all of its monetary contents
  • Stealing blankets, towels, soap and toilet paper, oh my!


And you thought being a hotel maid was boring!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

autumn sphincter

Autumn was a hippy girl who loved to drop acid. She liked to get drunk, start fights and then cry. She was an activist. And she was completely oblivious to life’s consequences. She was always trying to plot big terrorist attacks on city buildings, like the police station and city hall. She was a manipulator and if you weren’t careful you could find yourself dressed in black searching a dentist office for nitrous tanks, wandering the high school campus lighting things on fire, or hitchhiking to Sacramento at midnight while drunk on Carlo Rossi.

Sphincter really was her nickname. And without a doubt she was the most insane person I have ever met. She scared me she was so crazy. During our freshman year of high school her mother moved out of the house and continued to pay the rent so she didn't have to live with her. I mean she was really fucking crazy. Autumn and I were always at odds because she wanted my boyfriend. To this day I can not figure out why, but she got him.

How does one get a name like that!

In high school we had a naming convention where we took someone’s first name and coupled it with the name of an animal, such as: Brian Dog, Damian Bear and Katrina Walrus. There were three exceptions to that rule: Malibu Jessie, Jenni Carrot and Autumn Sphincter. These may have been thought up the day everyone felt compelled to smoke meth from a broken light bulb.

Rad!

Monday, May 09, 2005

and I saw a rainbow shooting straight down from the sky

Friday, May 06, 2005

friday confessional

I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. I always thought it would be black and white, like my sister who said "When I grow up I want to be a doctor." Even though she changed her mind, I wish I would have felt that way about something.

I never had that passion. And I still don't. But I wish I did. Because if I wanted to be a doctor I would go ahead and do it.

Monday, May 02, 2005

50 cent



a brilliant business model.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

me minus 15 years

The things I used to love: