+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild: in a van down by the river

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

in a van down by the river

The top ten most insane places I have ever lived, in chronological order:

1. Some of my first weekends with dad were spent sleeping on the floor at the city electric department where he worked. I think he lived there.

2. When I was in the second grade I moved in with my dad full time. He landed a job as an electrician at a dude ranch. It was so much fun. Dude. I learned how to fish, ride horses and a ton of other crazy cowgirl stuff. It was at the R-Ranch that I first heard the song Material Girl. I used to jump up and down on a trampoline in the gym while blasting that song on the radio. I also remember my dad driving a red, white and blue Gremlin AMC. I hated that car.

3. When I was in the third grade my dad had another city job working for the water department. For several months while we were in between housing we lived in what looked like an ice cream truck, at the water treatment plant.

4. During the 6th grade my Dad moved onto 40 acres where we lived in a half built house with no electricity and no running water. This was so not cool because all I wanted to do was talk on the phone with my friends, plug in a curling iron and watch MTV.

5. I lived with my mom on and off several times in high school, but I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that she lived in a completely solar house, with no phone, up a road that required a 4 wheel drive vehicle, 15 miles from town.

6. Sometime during high school I lived in an old stage coach stop with some friends. It was rumored to have been a brothel and it was haunted! Some high lights of this living arrangement include psycho roommates, more parties than one reasonable household should host, and a whole lot of mother fucking chaos like: a big tree that fell down and smashed someone's car, cars sliding off of the road into the ditch, a lot of snow, totally unhinged parties with butt rockers, motorcycles, crank, kegs, people throwing up off the deck and in the house, a flour fight in the kitchen, holes punched in the walls, the throwing of chairs and 40 bottles off of the deck, bon fires, a lot of injuries, and this is the longest sentence ever.

7. After a short stint in Hawaii I moved back home and rented out a hotel room by the week rather than live with my parents. It was super ghetto with cinderblock walls and cockroaches. There was a pool, although I can't remember if I ever went swimming in it. Weird.

8. I lived in the back of a toyota truck once. But it seemed really luxurious, because I was in love, I had a hot boyfriend and who needs a house anyway!

9. And what list would be complete without a trailer? I rented a room from a guy who had two very large, very stinky dogs. The trailer was filthy and consumed by flies. This guy took the trash out to a shed where it had been collecting for months, instead of getting trash service. There was a decommissioned billboard on the property that looked out over the freeway. We had a couch up there, music and christmas lights. It was the perfect place to drink beer and harass freeway drivers.

10. Then there were the times I didn't live anywhere at all.