+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild: autumn sphincter

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

autumn sphincter

Autumn was a hippy girl who loved to drop acid. She liked to get drunk, start fights and then cry. She was an activist. And she was completely oblivious to life’s consequences. She was always trying to plot big terrorist attacks on city buildings, like the police station and city hall. She was a manipulator and if you weren’t careful you could find yourself dressed in black searching a dentist office for nitrous tanks, wandering the high school campus lighting things on fire, or hitchhiking to Sacramento at midnight while drunk on Carlo Rossi.

Sphincter really was her nickname. And without a doubt she was the most insane person I have ever met. She scared me she was so crazy. During our freshman year of high school her mother moved out of the house and continued to pay the rent so she didn't have to live with her. I mean she was really fucking crazy. Autumn and I were always at odds because she wanted my boyfriend. To this day I can not figure out why, but she got him.

How does one get a name like that!

In high school we had a naming convention where we took someone’s first name and coupled it with the name of an animal, such as: Brian Dog, Damian Bear and Katrina Walrus. There were three exceptions to that rule: Malibu Jessie, Jenni Carrot and Autumn Sphincter. These may have been thought up the day everyone felt compelled to smoke meth from a broken light bulb.