+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild: October 2004

Friday, October 29, 2004

hey asshole

On my lunch break today I decided to go to the Goodwill, this is something I do frequently on my lunch hour when I don't have anything better to do. I don't need anything, or at least I don't think I do until I get there and find that previously loved item I can't possibly live without.

The Goodwill in Beaverton is not all that great, and I have had some very frustrating moments with the staff (they keep the bathroom locked and when you ask if you can use it they call over the loud speaker for someone to come and unlock it. I almost peed my pants waiting for someone who never came. I had to ask three times before they were able to make the proper connection, I was SERIOUSLY considering peeing on the floor.)

Who is the asshole you might be wondering at this point. I am.

I pulled into the parking lot and it was fucking packed. Why would I choose to go there the Friday before Halloween? I didn't have a lunch date and I need a pair of black pants super bad (which has been the most disappointing search of my entire life). So I am pulling in, and there is no where to park. Not a single parking spot. At this point I could have left but I figured I drove ALL THAT WAY I might as well make myself a little spot. I was not blocking anyone from coming in or out of the parking lot and not blocking anyone from leaving their spots. I went in and went shopping. It was a total drag because I thought I found the black pants I have been searching for relentlessly but my ass was too big. On my way out to my car I saw a piece of paper on my windshield. I snatched the piece of paper from the window and read "hey asshole why don't you block the entire parking lot nextime."

I like to proofread my work when I am calling someone an asshole. That is just me. I can't begin to tell you how happy I would have been if I were able to see this person in action as they were placing the piece of paper on my windshield, lifting my wiper. I would have freaked the fuck out.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

how to annoy me

Left click when I ask you to right click. Then when I tell you that you left clicked and you need to right click left click again. Do this over and over again...

I love the Rolling Stones!



I am so in love with the Rolling Stones this week. Isn't Mick scrumptious? To see more of him young and sexy watch the Sympathy For The Devil video.

Monday, October 25, 2004

birthday girl


I just got a really fun cd in the mail from Kathleen with pictures taken at Maria's surprise party in NYC. This one is my absolute favorite. When I look at it I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, like I am sitting right next to her.

I love you Maria.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

why i can't own a t.v.

Tom and I just got back from the beach. I watched more television in three days than I have watched all year. I was sucked into back-to-back episodes of The Real World, The Surreal Life, Viva La Bam, and Punk'd. I learned about Melanie Griffith's alcohol and drug addiciton on E!, and found out who shouldn't have worn what on TLC. I switched to VH1 and rehashed everything I had forgotten regarding the 90's then onto Dateline where I learned more than I wanted to know regarding psycho killers on meth in Utah.

Yes we went to the beach too, even though it doesn't sound like there would have been time. We ran with the dogs, played frisbee, and walked endlessly along the beautiful Oregon coast.


the vacation is over, now get back to work!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

he shot those fuckers down

We have all thought about walking into work with a gun and spraying the building with a few bullets. Right? That condescending boss, those repetitive menial tasks, that paycheck after taxes that barely covers the bills. You let the thought roll around in your head, put a smile on your face, and then you move on. What does it take to actually load a gun, go back to the old work site and unload on your co-workers?

Some guy actually did it. Today. He walked in and shot those fuckers down. I hope it felt as good as he thought it would. You can read more about it here.

Every once in awhile I get this really overwhelming, sensitivity toward other people. So right now I am actually thinking that this guy really wasn't crazy, that he was seriously driven to do this by a job so horrible, we can't even begin to imagine.

Friday, October 15, 2004

6 things that should never come back in style

Spandex Bodysuits
McHammer Pants
Keyboarding
The Roger Rabbit
Chunky Gold Chains
Bad Leather Jackets


This video came out in 1988. I always loved Salt-N-Peppa and still like this song, but this video is just bad.

"Push It" Music Video

Thursday, October 14, 2004

dueling ski coats


I am chewing a piece of gum I stole from my brothers suitcase and all I can focus on is not moving my mouth for fear of getting busted.

ode to jenni




This is one of my very best friends ever. Super Jenni. Why is she super? Because she can fix things, she changes my oil, pours me drinks, makes me laugh, she is sweet and loyal and everything good in a friend. Jenni also comes in a 4th grade duck tail model.

Get your own Jenni, cause you can't have mine.

Friday, October 08, 2004

a blog worth reading

I think we all hope that someone will find our writing interesting, humorous, or that we may strike a cord with someone and change the way they think. Sometimes you never know if anyone is even reading, as people come and go without leaving a trace.

Hello?

I have read a lot of blogs in the last year and few draw me back. I am pleased to announce today that I have found one worthy of a reoccurring visit. If you like sick, dry humor as much as I do check out dooce.com. This chick is totally tubular.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

lil' devil


Tuesday, October 05, 2004

i am unamerican

This is a great video...

Unamerican

its my birthday!

I love kids and I especially love communicating with them while driving, in seperate cars. Kids in school buses, back seats etc...I think that kids are so fun and creative and have so much excitment bottled up inside them that hasn't been the least bit fizzled out by lifes hard blows.

A few days ago I was driving to work and pulled up next to a big ass black BMW sedan with tinted windows. The rear window started to unroll at which point I noticed two girls in the back seat, both were around 8 or 9 years old. The one farthest from the window leaned over so she could see me and mouthed the words "It's my birthday!", with the most excited look on her face. I immediately started beaming and felt her excitement run through me. I wish I could find her today so I could tell her "It's my birthday!", I bet she would be really excited for me.

Monday, October 04, 2004

man mistakes own penis for chicken neck

This guy needs to lay off the quaaludes.

Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.

It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."

Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.

Sunday, October 03, 2004

defined

1. FIRST NAME: Darcie
2. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Yes
3. WHICH FINGER IS YOUR FAVORITE: The middle
4. ANY BAD HABITS: Yes
5. WHAT IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON YOUR SHELF? Melissa Etheridge
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU: Yes
7. ARE YOU A DAREDEVIL: Yes and even more so after a few shots of Tequila
8. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? No I usually assume the worst and then enjoy being surprised
9. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Darc, Darshwa, Darshui
10. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Aphex Twin
11. LAST THING YOU ATE? Steak with horseradish
12. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE: Nicole, she just finished the Portland Marathon!
13. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX: Teeth
14. FAVORITE DRINK? Mojito
15. HAIR COLOR? “dishwater” blonde

Friday, October 01, 2004

ooh that tickles


sunbathing