+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild: what girls talk about

Thursday, December 01, 2005

what girls talk about

I started this post as an email to a girlfriend and then decided to share.

I didn't get to see Kathleen while she was in town over Thanksgiving and it made me feel like a real schmuck. I was so tied up in this new door installation and hanging out with my Dad, it was just the worst timing ever. I got so stressed out about the door, because it took twice as long as I thought it would and I was worried it wasn't going to look right and how that reflected on my Dad and my perception/expectations of him and I just fucking lost it. I cried and cried like a blubbering baby. But not until I was on my way to the store to pick up some additional supplies and the phone rang. It was my Mom.

It is like being a little kid again and having gotten hurt over an hour ago. You already cried and everything is okay, but Mom comes in the door and it all bubbles back to the surface. The poor woman called to talk about happy things. I forced some unenthusiastic responses and then said "I am really stressed out" tears all ready lined up at the gates, ready to come pouring out. I told her about everything going on in my life that was driving me to this point of insanity and it all sounded so trivial. I was in the supermarket parking lot with big fiery tears burning down my cheeks, accusing life of always dealing me a shitty hand.

This is called PMS boys.

It is similar to the Hyde and Hare Bugs Bunny cartoon, a more appealing version of Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. It all feels so real at the moment, but then a split second later, on the down swing, you can't remember who that incredibly unstable person was.

And when all the self loathing comes to a screeching halt, when I realize there are people actually suffering in this world, I am reminded that I still haven't made my list of things to be thankful for.

So here goes nothing:

I am thankful for warm cups of Yogi Tea and 25 pounds of blueberry granola from my Mom.

I am thankful for friends, near and far, old and new. I am thankful to have someone to laugh with and cry with at a moments notice.

I am thankful for my dog and feel incredibly lucky to have this kind of love in my life.

I am thankful for being able to spend time with my family and that people get older and wiser.

I am thankful for all life's challenges, the ones that force me to be strong and independent.

I am thankful for the internet and the people I would have never met otherwise.

Is it okay to be thankful for Gin and Tonics?