+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild: your alphabet biatch!

Saturday, July 09, 2005

your alphabet biatch!

A: If you could be any ANIMAL in the ocean, what would you be?

A dolphin or an orca. Because I want to be pretty.

B: Other than food, what is the last thing you BOUGHT for yourself?

Bras. Super sexy ones.

C: How many COUNTRIES have you been to?

One. Isn't that pathetic?

D: What is your favorite ride at DISNEYLAND?

I think it is Pirates of the Carribean, but I am basing that on memories nearly 23 years past.

E: Do you believe in ESP?

Yes. And I most recently dreamed that I went through a 5.4 earthquake. So get under your desk and stay there.

F: Have you ever FAKED listening to your friend talk?

I think I have ADD really bad. I don't ever mean to but sometimes I am distracted. I love my friends and want to listen, I really do.

G: Have you ever fired a real GUN?

Yes. Lots of guns.

H: Regarding surfing, do you know what the term "HANG Ten" means?

I feel like I should. But I don't.

I: Is Michael Jackson INNOCENT or GUILTY?

Both. I love him and feel so bad for the direction his life has gone. He never had a childhood and I think he is trying to have one, even though no one is capable of understanding that.

J: Do you wear JEWELRY?

Yes. Two bracelets, ear rings and a necklace! I am all girl.

K: Have you ever KILLED an animal?

No. Never. Oh wait. I forgot about fishing. I hate the idea. I will probably never fish again. But I guess I have killed an animal. Yuck.

L: What was the LAST thing you mailed?

My ten year high school reunion RSVP.

M: Who is your favorite MUPPET character?


N: Have you ever been to a NUDIE bar?

A lot. More than the average girl, but less than a dancer.

O: Can you change your own oil?

I am sure I could. I don't want to though.

P: Did you attend PRESCHOOL?

Yes. The Three Bears.

Q: Do you know what a QUAHOG is?


R: Have you ever RIDDEN a horse?

Yes. I have owned horses and I used to compete in gymkanas. Do you know what a gymkana is?

S: Have you played any organized SPORTS in your life?

I am on two soccer teams.

T: Do you owe or are you getting money back from last year's taxes?

Does the rest of the world know that there is a county tax in Portland? And they don't take money out of your check for it, so you have to pay at the end of the year. I paid out more to the county than I got in refunds from federal and state.

U: Do you own an UMBRELLA?

Yes. It has puppies and kittens on it.

V: Do you exercise your right to VOTE?

Do I breathe?

W: What's your ideal WEATHER forecast?

All sun, 80-90 degrees with ice cold beers in reach and shade to protect my oh so delicate skin.

X: What was your last X-RAY u had taken?

At the dentist. I hate them and feel like they are stealing my soul. With all this soul stealing it is a wonder that I have one left. Or do I?

Y: Do you own a YELLOW shirt?

I just got rid of it last Sunday. I wore it on my old soccer team, the Lemondrops.

Z: how many ZIP/area codes have you lived in?

That sounds like math and I don't feel like math right now.