+ confessions of a red-headed stepchild: dukes of hazard st. johns style

Thursday, July 28, 2005

dukes of hazard st. johns style

I am making a sign.

It says “What part of two lanes don’t YOU understand?”

There is a major construction project on the St. Johns Bridge. My morning trip over the bridge is painless, a little slow but painless. However, the way home is enough to make you want to gouge your eyes out. I listen to rap music to get myself in the mood. Otherwise, I end up acting like the rest of the lemmings, breaking the law and causing the biggest traffic jam EVER, for Portland.

There are two lanes leading up a ramp to the bridge. There is a turn signal on the highway below that indicates when it is safe to cross over the lane of oncoming traffic to go up this ramp. When traffic gets backed up on the ramp (PEOPLE NOT USING BOTH LANES AND DRIVING SINGLE FILE DOWN THE MIDDLE) it is impossible to get off the highway. I waited through 4 green lights yesterday.

I have figured the best way to deal with these assholes is to lead by example, use two lanes, prove to everyone that you are not trying to steal their place in this world and when all else fails honk your horn wildly and yell obscenities. It is almost like people "get it" when they are trapped down on the highway, but once they are on the ramp it is back to the American tradition of: I only care about me and my own, FUCK everyone else. People are using their vehicles to squeeze and block and control and I hate being controled!

Don't bother calling the police they don't care.

And then a truck stopped in front of my house, removed a manhole cover and started dumping suspicious waste into the waterway. The truck said "Dukes" on the side and had New York plates.

After emptying the contents of their tank they sped off leaving the manhole uncovered. That is a 10-15 foot drop into the sewer. Considering we are at an elevated threat level, you wouldn’t think it was that easy to dump anthrax, or other toxic materials into our public water system...but it is.

And the police don't care about that either.